Thursday, August 30, 2018

End Of Summer Ruminations 2018

Does anyone still use Blogspot for their projects? Or even look at Blogspot anymore? I still find it pretty handy but it seems to me that it has become another dusty relic of the internet, hitting that scrap pile atop Friendster, Myspace etal.

I was compelled to write something because it has been almost three years since I posted here. Ssleeping Desiress has not died but it has been reduced to a crawl.
I am the only person creating as of now, and it has been this way for over a year, going on two. I have always been the driving force but I am no longer collaborating. It's strange, and lonely and interesting, stifling yet wildly exciting. The only limitation is yourself and your creativity which is a position I have never found myself in, predominantly because I never really gave it much thought. That is: my voice, my prerogative, what am I trying to convey, my vision, all that important stuff that makes creating art rewarding and interesting. My general ideas could always be couched between my collaborator's ideas and poor recreations of check points of the past; things that I enjoy that I wish I had been involved in but history's timeline was not in my favor.
I was good at some things which I leaned on pretty heavy (getting legitimate sounding atmospheres and vibes out of shitty equipment) and totally ignored getting better at the things I was deficient in (hello writing lyrics!).
The chickens have come home to roost on all that as I found myself still compelled to write and record and create but have made the decision to ditch my creative crutches. The process has been frustrating and given me loads more anxiety while providing these rare momentary glimmers that I continue to chase and try to find again.

After investing in some better quality equipment, I got the bug. My way of making due with what I had largely because of my economic state was no longer viable to me. I couldn't make shit that way anymore and be satisfied. So I stopped trying to pace other, what I would consider contemporaries and take a step back. I relinquished the idea of trying to put out another record for a time (you can still get the first one here) and just focussed on building songs, quality songs, not songs that had a gimmick or were so heavy handed in their influences that they would garner some attention, but overall would be forgotten or live on their own only as a shallow copy of well worn territory.
The process has been glacial. I made the decision to do this on my own again. I had no jams or scraps to work off of. Sitting alone, playing something and then getting a framework, recording that and then recording the other instrumentation: bass, synths, programming drums, multi-tracking guitars and running the session on my own and then sitting down and writing lyrics and trying to get good takes. This is all done in a bubble. No one to bounce ideas off of. Some ideas just never amounting to much. It's scary but when it clicks, and you can feel it, just under your skin, in your chest, it is exhilarating. That's how "Can You Hear Me?" came about. After that the declaration was made: No more insincere goth posturing. No more cold hands or darkness and black nights, no more curtains or veils or trees or oceans or cries in the night, clasping, touching, breathing, blades and beads, candles, no more fogs and darkness no more shadows. None of that just for the sake of dialing in some vague amalgamation of an aesthetic.  We've all been given the cheat sheet. This is just me, sincere and exposed.

I promise there will be more songs, for those few whom the idea of that still even passes across your brains, it will happen, sooner than later. Please continue that steadfast patience. Thanks for reading.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. You should keep on posting, as tere are still people like me who enjoy reading some blogs.